


Afternoon Tea

by Aida



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Play, Anal Sex, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Humor, Massage, Multi, Tea, Tea Brings People to Talk About Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-08
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 20:32:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1756403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aida/pseuds/Aida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo and Ori have a routine, which usually winds up with them having Tea together (not an innuendo or anything like that). During one of their many tea breaks together, Ori divulges that life with Thorin in the bedroom has gone... Well, gone. So Bilbo gives him advice, and it all spirals out of control from there.</p><p>AKA: The one where Bilbo and Ori exchange sex tips during tea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Give Him a Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> So, instead of working on my other fics, I STARTED A NEW ONE! WITH SMUT! That makes up for my slacking, right?
> 
> Anyway, right now it's just some Orinshield action, but if you're really reading this for Dwaggins, don't you worry. They'll have their action time soon enough.

It was their routine: Meet in the library, then go to either of their living quarters for a light tea and to chat before the evening feast. Having afternoon tea wasn’t entirely rare for Ori, since Dori seemed to especially like the concept, being an avid tea lover. But Bilbo did tea differently, for Dori never put out so many sandwiches and sweets with plenty of different things to add to their tea: Something that made Ori secretly like Bilbo’s afternoon tea better.

Still, despite the tea, the cakes, and the sandwiches, that day’s afternoon tea wasn’t the usual. And it was Ori himself that started it all.

“How’s life as a consort treated you?” Bilbo asked as he usually did, and as usual, Ori let out a tired sigh.

“Stressful.” He answered. “I never written so much in my _life_. And I was a scribe!”

Bilbo winced. “Well, at least Thorin’s helpful…” He replied. “Right…?”

“As much as he can be, considering how busy he is.” Ori told him. “And it’s just… Just…!”

Ori flushed, and Bilbo frowned at the sight.

“What’s wrong?” He pressed. “Don’t tell me there’s trouble in… Well…”

“No! No, no trouble there.” Ori assured rather quickly. “It’s just… It’s nice when we do it… But usually he’s so tired and sore that we just go to bed. Not that I’m complaining, because I like my sleep as much as the next dwarf, but…”

Bilbo hummed, sipping his tea, and Ori gulped his down to distract himself. It was hot, so it was a bit of a struggle, but he didn’t seem to notice, as Bilbo just casually refilled his cup.

“You know, Dwalin goes through the same thing sometimes.” He told Ori. “He’s Captain of the Guard, after all. Not to mention that he’s in charge of training most of the young ones. So, sometimes, I take care of him.”

Ori frowned. “He doesn’t seem the type to like that sort of thing.” He muttered.

Now Bilbo flushed. “Not usually, but sometimes he’s just tired enough that he doesn’t mind.” He replied. “So, on those days, I make sure he has a nice, hot meal before drawing us a nice, hot bath. I always make sure to massage his head and make sure he’s _extra_ clean.”

Ori’s frown deepened, for he had no idea why Bilbo stressed that, but his friend continued before he could ask.

“Then, we go lie down in bed, and I give him a massage. Just use a little bit of oil to help, and do my best to work out any kinks he’s got.” He rattled on, and his flush darkened unexpectedly. “Then… Once he’s all… _relaxed_ … I… Kiss him.”

“You just kiss him?” Ori asked. “On the lips? That doesn’t sound too exciting.”

“N-No, Ori. Not on the lips.” 

“His cock, then?”

“No…”

Now Ori knew why he stressed his words, and he felt his face go aflame. “Wh-What? Are you serious!? You kiss him _there_!?”

“You’ve never done it?” Bilbo asked, voice a higher pitch than normal. 

“Well, _no_!” Ori sputtered, fidgeting in his seat. “I-I never thought about doing…! Isn’t it… dirty…?”

“No.” Bilbo answered, clearing his throat. “Not if done right, at least. Hence making sure that one’s partner is _extra clean_.”

Ori frowned again, lost in thought. In a way, it made sense. After all, one always had the tendency to make sure one’s bits were clean before letting someone’s mouth go there. So, surely, cleaning _that area_ would make it just as safe. Right? Not to mention that he had the pleasurable experience of having Thorin’s cock inside his own… area, so a tongue there shouldn’t be bad.

Still, it seemed awkward. It took the whole “admiring one’s arse” idea to a whole other level that Ori wasn’t sure he wanted to get to. And while he admired Thorin’s (and oh, how he admired), he wasn’t sure if he wanted to get _that_ close to do so.

“I don’t know…” He eventually muttered as Bilbo took another sip of tea.

Then Bilbo Baggins uttered the words that would start one of the most bizarre stages of friendship Ori had ever experienced.

“You should try it.”

-

It was easy enough to plan, gather supplies, find time that he had off that he could share with Thorin without having to worry about guards storming in. Other things, however, weren’t.

For one, he had a hard time convincing Thorin that a bath was a good thing after a long day of work instead of doing more work. Even then, when he did convince him (surprisingly easy when he realized that if saying that _he_ was going to be bathing as well, at the same time, would be sufficient enough), it was hard to clean Thorin thoroughly enough without raising too many suspicions. But Thorin was suspicious regardless, even when he melted under Ori’s touch when he washed his hair. Such feelings were clear when Ori, after they were finished and dried, dragged him towards their bedroom.

“What are you planning?” Thorin asked, and Ori felt heat spike under his cheeks. 

“Nothing too dastardly, I assure you.” He replied earnestly enough, guiding Thorin to the bed and resisting when he tried to pull him down. “I just wanted to take care of you. It’s been a rather harrying few months, after all.”

“It has been.” He conceded, and Ori had to resist again when Thorin tried to guide him down. “And you have been taking care of me.”

“That may be…” Ori stated, hovering. “But… There’s something that I want to do for you… If you’ll let me… Will you?”

“Of course.” Thorin answered. “What is it?”

Ori bit his lip, reaching for the bottle of oil he had hidden nearby. “I’d… I’d like to give you a massage.”

Thorin frowned, clearly thinking it over before rolling to lie on his stomach. “All right.” He replied, peering back at him. “But only if I might do the same.”

Ori swallowed, far too distracted by the rolling planes of Thorin back. “W-We’ll see…”

Massaging Thorin was more enjoyable than Ori originally thought. He believed it would be like working with raw iron with your bare hands with little fire, and just as untamable. But Thorin seemed to instantly become pliant the moment he touched his oil-slick hands to his back. It was still hard for Ori to work out the muscles, since Thorin’s were strong and barely-yielding after decades of rigorous training and smithing, and the King appreciated his efforts nonetheless, if the sighs and groans were anything to go by. 

Ori worked on his back and legs, skipping over the focus of the evening for the moment, and as he worked, nerves built in the pit of his belly. While he did prepare for the task he was about to do, he was still uncertain. What if his preparations were for naught, and Thorin ate food that didn’t sit well with him earlier? What if Thorin farted? What if Thorin just didn’t like it? Of course, the latter didn’t seem too plausible, for he had teased the area before with fingers with wonderfully wild results, but that was just fingers. He was about to use something else.

Eventually, he returned to Thorin’s buttocks, kissing the curve of his tailbone. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” Thorin sighed out, though his voice grew strong as Ori chewed his lips. “Why?”

Ori didn’t answer with words. Merely, he parted Thorin’s cheeks and licked steadily from the skin behind his balls and back to the base of his tailbone before going back to flick his tongue at the twitching furl that usually hid there.

“W-Wha-? Ori, you-!” Thorin stuttered, shivering under his grasp. “Ori, I- Oh… _Oh_ …!”

Ori bit back a sigh of relief as he felt Thorin melt again, going back to the task at hand. Licking in broad stripes or just flicking his tongue, each movement made Thorin pant and his hips twitch. The actual taste wasn’t horrible, since he was very thorough in the bath, but it was certainly peculiar. 

Then Ori dared to try to push in with his tongue, and Thorin moaned. 

Thorin was never very vocal in bed. He’d grunt and growl, sometimes even let out a pleased sigh, but he would never actually moan. It made Ori feel confident, daring, and he continued to lick and press downward the more Thorin loosened under his touch. Thorin’s hips twitched and became increasingly louder the more he pressed in, making a choked sound when Ori finally managed to push his tongue passed the ring, caressing and thrusting the inner walls he could reach.

Thorin was practically humping his face before he stilled. Ori thought he had reached his peak, but then he felt rough hands brush against his head. “St-Stop!”

Immediately, Ori pulled back, wiping his chin clean from drool. “I-I’m sorry!” He sputtered. “Are you alright? Did I go too far? I…”

He trailed off when Thorin rolled onto his back, and his words died out completely when he took in the sight before him. Of Thorin, face and chest flushed, legs spread, and his cock tall and glistening.

“Tup me.” Thorin stated (because Kings do not beg), voice hoarse, and while Ori had never done so before, who was he not to comply?

In the end, while there was fumbling through a hurried preparation, their coupling was hard and fast, Ori’s speed fed by Thorin’s cries. It didn’t last long, either, for the moment Ori dared to touch Thorin’s cock he came, and he followed shortly after.

It was one of the best experiences they ever had since courting.

Now they laid in bed, still sticky with sweat and seed, neither giving a frig as Thorin simply held Ori close, peppering kisses into his hair.

The scribe hummed pleasantly. “How was it?”

“Spectacular.” Thorin replied, and Ori felt warm with pride. “I had no idea that such a touch was possible, nor how you could… Well, perhaps I should let you tup more often.”

Ori giggled, and Thorin swallowed the sound. When they pulled apart, Ori felt his heart grow full with the peaceful smile that spread across the King’s face.

“Where did you learn to do that?” Thorin asked, and ah, that was a problem. But it was simple enough to come up with a false answer.

“Oh, I read it in a book.” He replied, nestling as close as he could, only to freeze, for that certainly gave him an idea.

“You should let me read it sometime.” Thorin murmured before falling asleep, and Ori would, but not before letting someone else “read” it first.


	2. Get On Top

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ori asks for a book and gives Bilbo some advice for a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HEY MORE SMUT! THIS TIME IT'S OF THE DWAGGINS VARIETY!

The next time Bilbo saw Ori in the library, he had to pause, for he had never seen the Scribe in such a state. Hair in disarray, clothes ruffled, and with one of the widest smiles he’d ever seen. A smile he returned when Ori was in range.

“Well, someone’s in a good mood.” Bilbo stated, causing Ori to flush. “I take it things have been good?”

“Oh, yes. Good. Very good. Great, actually.” Ori rambled on, and Bilbo hummed as he continued to take stock of the inventory. Only to pause when he felt Ori lean in. “I… I tried what you suggested.”

Bilbo blinked, feeling his face heat, and he turned to Ori. For while he knew such a trick worked for him and Dwalin, he didn’t think that Ori would be brave enough to try it himself. “R-Really?” He asked, turning to face Ori fully. “How did it go?”

“ _Fantastically_.” Ori breathed. “I don’t think he’s enjoyed a mouth anywhere else before! And he let _me_ tup! That’s never happened before!”

“Really?” Bilbo asked, frowning a little. “I do that a lot with Dwalin.”

“It was- Wait… Really?” Ori asked, a little bewildered. For Dwalin didn’t seem like the kind of warrior to allow someone to tup him.

“Well, it’s not something to discuss here, lad.” Bilbo hissed. “Um… Perhaps at tea?”

“That’s probably for the best.” Ori said. “But before we go for tea, can I ask you if we have any… ‘special’ books here…?”

Thankfully, Bilbo didn’t seem to phased by that question. “Perhaps.” He replied. “Though it might be in the back. Children in the library, after all. The Head Librarian is a wee bit paranoid children will learn about topsy-turvy.”

“Toppy-what?” Ori muttered before Bilbo began to guide him out.

“Nevermind, lad.” He replied. “I’ll see if I can find that book for you. Then it’s time for tea.”

It took a while, but eventually they were back in Bilbo’s quarters, and Ori was perusing the book he was given with a frown as he brought out the usual tea, sandwiches, and sweets.

“You seem a little displeased with the selection.” Bilbo pointed out, causing Ori to look up with a flush on his cheeks.

“Well, no! Not really, anyway. It’s…. It’s just…” Ori muttered. “Is this the only book…?”

“Afraid so.” He replied, pouring tea. “Quite dated, isn’t it?”

“It has nothing on partners with two cocks or two gems.” Ori muttered. “And the positions…!”

“I guess dwarrow weren’t as forward thinking back then as they are now…” Bilbo mused, and Ori sent him a look.

“And hobbits are?”

“Depends on where you go.” 

“Still… You’d think someone would make an update to this.” Ori muttered. “This isn’t very interesting. In fact, it’s _boring_. I think the author of this only focused on means for procreation…”

“Possibly.” Bilbo replied. “Then again, I couldn’t tell when I flipped through it.”

“Anyway…” Ori stated, shutting the book and pushing it aside. “You were talking about tupping Dwalin?”

He shouldn’t have found it funny when Bilbo choked around his tea. “R-Really? You want to… _discuss_ that…?”

“Well, you helped me.” Ori explained, shrugging. “I think it’s only fair I help you. Or at least try to.”

“I don’t know if you can, to be honest.” He admitted, placing his teacup back on its saucer. “Dwalin, you see, is a bit… Wary of his size compared to mine. He’s worried about hurting me if he’s on top, in almost every sense of the word.”

“I know he’s tall for a dwarf, and has a bit of muscle, but…” Ori muttered, feeling his face heat. “Really? He can’t be _that_ big.”

Bilbo sent him a look before holding up his arm, hand balled into a fist. “He’s only a little bit smaller than this.” He explained, placing a finger only a little bit short from his elbow, and that was more than Ori needed to know. “Granted, it’s not the _first_ time I’ve handled something his size, but…”

“Wait, something?”

Bilbo flushed, but he smirked. “Oh, yes. I wasn’t always a prude before you met me, you know.” He said, sipping some tea. “I was rather adventurous in my younger days.”

“Well…” Ori muttered, before it dawned on him. Going back to the book, he flipped through the pages before he found it. “Aha!”

“What?” Bilbo asked, blinking when Ori thrust the book at him. It was open to reveal text on one page (text that he couldn’t read), but on the other was an illustration of, what was presumedly, a dwarrowdam atop a dwarrow, her legs angled to better show the point of penetration. 

“Perhaps this will help you. With you on top, of course, if you want.” Ori explained. “Sometimes I do this with Thorin, especially during the beginning.”

“Really?”

Ori nodded. “Like Dwalin, he was a little wary of his size.” He explained. “But, like you, I had previous experience.”

Bilbo hummed before closing the book. “I might just give this a try.”

“G-Good.” Ori muttered, fidgeting, because he had never divulged so much about his sex life before. “However, what did you mean by _something_?”

Bilbo just grinned. “Let me see how this plays out.” He told him. “Then I’ll tell you.”

-

Bilbo was rarely nervous when it came to the bedroom. He was usually quite comfortable and confident, particularly when it came to partners he knew and trusted. However, he was nervous that night. It had been a long time since he was on the receiving end of penetration, and it would be the first time with Dwalin. Dwalin, who was always cautious and worried about hurting Bilbo. Who was sure that he was too big. But Bilbo had thoroughly prepared himself beforehand, using tools and tricks he hadn’t used in years, so he was sure he was more than ready. And things were going swimmingly. 

He had followed the standard routine he always did when Dwalin had a rough day, leaving him none the wiser. Good food, a hot bath, massage, and a special “kiss” that left him a special kind of pliant, for it was still Dwalin. Afterwards, he encouraged him to lie on his back where he kissed and sucked on his arousal, keeping an eye on his expression. Eyes closed, pinched yet pleased, and he vocalized his pleasure as Bilbo reached behind himself and finally removed the plug he had inserted quite some time ago. He did his best to conceal and silence himself, for it was bigger than he had been used to, and the empty ache it left behind reminded him of the arousal that he had been carrying for almost as long.

Dwalin, of course, remained blissfully unaware of what Bilbo was doing. He thought it was going to be a typical night after his muscles were relaxed and he had been opened. Thought that it would end with Bilbo inside of him, hammering his core with almost deadly accuracy with just enough of a stretch and pressure to send him into a frenzy. It was something done, at first, to accommodate to Bilbo, who was much smaller and more delicate than many dwarrow out there. Now, of course, it was something he enjoyed.

So he was surprised when Bilbo lifted from his cock and, instead of pushing and pulling his legs up and apart, he felt thick thighs bracket his hips and a tight, hot heat encase him.

He choked out a moan, for it had been a long time since he felt such a sensation on him, and it took him a while to realize what it was. When he did, his eyes flew open and he was transfixed by the sight of Bilbo slowly rising and sinking on his cock to adjust to his size, flushed face pinched in concentration.

“B-Bilbo-!” He ground out, hands grasping at his thighs. “What are you-?”

“It’s fine.” Bilbo breathed out, green eyes blown wide as they locked on his. “Really, it is. I’m just… I’m almost…!”

“Bilbo, don’t hurt…” Dwalin growled, jumping when Bilbo pinched his side.

“I told you, I’ll be _fine_.” Bilbo hissed, head tilting back. “I just need to get used to it. Besides, I thought you’d appreciate the position since it still gives me control.”

Dwalin wanted to argue, because there was no way Bilbo could ever get used to him, but his hobbit had a point. Bilbo was still in complete control, even though he could easily flip them around to take it back. He didn’t have to worry about accidentally pushing too hard or too fast, since he was still setting the pace. But he still worried, because Bilbo was so _small_ , and he wasn’t. At least he could take solace in the fact that he could easily regain control if he needed to.

Then Bilbo began to move. At first, Dwalin was still worried. Still watching his expression for any signs of pain as me circled his hips a little. Then he lifted up and shoved himself back down, and that was _far_ too fast for a start.

But Bilbo didn’t flinch. Didn’t hiss or curse. Instead, he let out a breathy moan before doing it again. And again. And again.

Clutching at his hips, Dwalin relaxed a little, particularly when he saw that Bilbo was actually _enjoying_ it, and he allowed himself to become wrapped up in the sensastions and he groaned, for it had been quite a long time. For while he did enjoy Bilbo inside of him, possibly even more than this, there was something to be said about the tight heat enveloping him, squeezing him as Bilbo slid up and down that he also enjoyed. 

It wasn’t long until Bilbo picked up the pace, and Dwalin, hands firm on those creamy hips, began to thrust up and guide Bilbo back down. He allowed himself to let go a little, particularly when Bilbo cried out as he did so.

“Dwalin-!” He choked out, and said dwarf was about to respond until Bilbo stiffened, eyes going wide. He thought he was hurt, but he groaned loudly and released his seed on Dwalin’s belly. Clearly not hurt, and clearly clenching around him.

That was when he snapped.

Quickly and with ease, he flipped their positions, plowing into Bilbo’s welcoming warmth as the hobbit whimpered and moaned underneath him. He answered his cries, relishing in the small, sharp pains of skillful fingers tugging on his beard or nails dragging along his chest. After several moments of this wild romp, he finally came, groaning low from within his chest as he released inside that still-spasming warmth. As he caught his breath, he felt knuckles brush against his chest and he glanced down to see Bilbo still very-erect cock being pumped mercilessly by his own hand. It was easy enough to bat away, and he stared at Bilbo’s pinched face as he worked his little husband into a second completion. Something that had never happened for either of them before.

Once they had calmed down, Dwalin cleaned them with a rag before falling back into bed, holding a very pliant Bilbo close.

“Oh, Eru, have mercy!” He heard Bilbo breathe in a shaky voice, and he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Laugh all you want, but that has never happened before.”

“I’m pleased.” He replied, causing Bilbo to look up and send him a warm smile.

“Good…” He muttered. “And are you…? Really?”

“I admit, I was concerned at first, but… Yes, I am.” Dwalin answered. “What about you? Sore?”

“No.” Bilbo stated simply, though he fidgeted a bit and winced. “Although I think I might be a little sore later on. So, I don’t think we’ll be doing this that often.”

“That’s alright. And besides…” Dwalin purred, nuzzling the soft curls under his nose. “If I can be perfectly honest, I prefer it the other way around…”

Such words caused a bright flush to bloom along Bilbo’s cheeks, and the hobbit cleared his throat. “Y-You mean me… t-tupping, right…?”

“Aye.”

“Oh. Well… good. I like it too.” Bilbo continued. “Although, I wouldn’t expect it anytime soon. I’m a wee bit wrung out…”

Dwalin hummed, completely understanding as to why that would be. His eyes slipped shut, quite ready for a nap, at least, and he didn’t catch the expression on Bilbo’s face when something came to him.

“Although…” Bilbo continued. “We could do something else we haven’t done in a while?”

“Oh?”

“Oh, yes… “ Bilbo stated, because he certainly had ideas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, but I agree with Dwalin: top!Bilbo's better. Seriously, there needs to be more top!Bilbo.


	3. Give Them a Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title explains it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH HEY LOOK WHO ISN'T DEAD!
> 
> So sorry, everyone. If you haven't been following my Tumblr and don't know, life at home has been really hectic. And from the way things are, it's going to start getting worse. So, I'm going to TRY to keep being more active whilst also doing what I can at home. Hopefully I won't go completely off the grid soon like I had just done.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter, everyone.

When they first started the physical aspect of their relationship, Dwalin had commented on how hobbits had wild carnal drives. Bilbo didn’t think that was true, for it was completely normal for a hobbit his age to “rise up”, as some would say, not long after the first go. It was probably just because dwarves took longer. And granted, Dwalin was the only dwarf he’d ever been with, but he had a feeling he was the exception to standard dwarrow recovery periods. Because not terribly long after Bilbo rode him, he had the warrior on all fours, hands slathered in oil and working his fingers inside, causing him to moan with little care as to who would hear.

Such a situation made a smirk pull at the corners of his mouth, for there was something about getting Dwalin on his knees and liking it that he enjoyed. Something that he never thought would be possible from the moment he saw the surly warrior at his doorstep.

“You’re going to need to keep it down.” Bilbo scolded softly, even though he didn’t really mean it as he pressed his thumb on that patch of skin between Dwalin’s stones and entrance. “The walls are thick, but not that thick. Someone might think I’m killing you.”

Dwalin huffed, even though his whole body seemed to twitch. “Might as well be.” He panted, groaning as Bilbo’s fingers twisted. “Feels like I’m dying, at least.”

“You’re not dying.” Bilbo told him. “Not like that, at least. You do tend towards being overdramatic, darling.”

Dwalin couldn’t help but feel his lips pull up at Bilbo’s term of endearment, but they pulled apart when he felt something tease his entrance.

“Forth one.” He explained, and Dwalin took it with relative ease. “Just the thumb left now…”

“Put it in.” Dwalin forced out, feeling those fingers skirt around his sweet spot. “C’mon, do it.”

“You need to relax, first.” Bilbo stated, seeing Dwalin shiver a little. “In more ways than one.”

“I’m relaxed _enough_.” The dwarf argued, thrusting back a little. Something he wouldn’t dare do if Bilbo’s hands were larger, but he could take it. He _wanted_ to take it like he had done once before in a barn that Beorn had, when Dwalin barely stifled his screams. The hay made him itch and sneeze for a long time afterwards, but it was worth it. Just like it would be this time if Bilbo Baggins would just _hurry up_.

“You’re so needy.” Bilbo whispered, thumb brushing Dwalin’s stretched entrance. “I thought our previous tumble would’ve taken the edge off, but not for you. My greedy bear.”

“Greedy for you.” Dwalin managed to breathe out. “And M’not a bear.”

He heard Bilbo giggle, and something eased when the hobbit pressed a kiss to his back.

“Yes you are. My big, strong bear. Always watching out for me .Always taking care of me, even when I think I don’t need it.” He said, and Dwalin felt almost unbearably warm. “Thumb now. Are you ready?”

“I’ve _been ready_.”

The rest was a blur, as it usually is when they reach the peak of any act together. But Bilbo knew the feeling of being bowled over when his hand disappeared after stretching Dwalin to the brink. How he tugged at the dwarf’s stones, mostly to tease, but also to draw it out for longer than a few seconds. How Dwalin smothered his face with a pillow as tried to rock back onto his fist, muscles straining and skin flushed. How it only took the lightest of touches to get him to make a bigger mess on their already messy bed. How Dwalin’s cries as he peaked were still heard despite trying to silence himself.

And as Bilbo rested in bed (after changing the sheets since neither of them liked sleeping in messy ones) with Dwalin out cold with his head pillowed on his round belly, arms wrapped tightly around him, he smiled. He smiled a smile that was a bit too mischievous. For he could not wait to share this with Ori.

-

Ori didn’t think his face would ever stop being red after Bilbo told him about the use of one’s hand in the bedroom. 

“A-Are you serious!?” He sputtered. “That’s not-! How would-? How could that even _work_?”

“A lot of patience, trust, and oil.” Bilbo replied simply. “Size helps too, since my hands are so small.”

The Scribe-turned-Consort frowned down at his own hands before he could help it. His slightly-worn ink-stained hands, wondering if such a thing were possible for him and Thorin. He knew Thorin was bigger than he was, in the hands especially. But Ori didn’t think he was small enough for _that_ , particularly in comparison to Bilbo. 

“I don’t think I could do that…”

“Of course you can!” The hobbit cut in, causing Ori to jump a little. “Believe me, that area can be quite flexible. You just have to be careful how you stretch it. Besides, you said Thorin liked, er, _stretching_ it that one time.”

“He has… Er, I mean, he did!” Ori sputtered, knowing it was too late as Bilbo quirked an eyebrow. Really, he had meant to keep such information a secret: How Thorin had taken quite a liking to being on the receiving end since their first time doing so. “J-Just don’t tell him I said that! Not to Dwalin, either!”

“I had assumed early on that conversations like ours were already confidential.” He replied, lips quirking upward slightly. “But don’t worry. My lips are sealed.”

Ori sighed, looking back at his hands again and trying to imagine that it was even slightly possible to do what Bilbo was suggesting. If Thorin would even like it, or would want to try it. 

The image came unbidden to his mind: Of Thorin on all fours amongst the furs, begging and sobbing as Ori worked to stretch him around his wrist. An image that made Ori choke and shift uncomfortably.

“So…” He muttered, trying to avoid eye contact. “What oil did you say worked best for this?”

“Honey oil.” Bilbo answered calmly, smile wide. “It’s the only oil I use for bedroom activities.”

-

Bilbo knew what night Ori finally tried using his hand on Thorin. Not because he said so, or how he looked, or even how Thorin walked the next day. He knew that night precisely. If only because the King Under the Mountain apparently wasn’t used to stifling himself.

Thorin’s bellow was heard throughout the entire section of the mountain they were in, regardless of the thickness of walls. It was so loud, in fact, that Bilbo Baggins, one of the heaviest of sleepers, was awoken by the noise and he bolted up in bed. It startled him, for he knew that Thorin’s voice carried on normal occasions when it was called for, but he never realized he could be _that_ loud. Not to mention hard to decipher, for the bellow wasn’t in Westron, and he could not understand it. It sounded good, or at least, he hoped so.

Dwalin relieved his worries as his husband sat up as well, frowning and looking utterly displeased. Well, not right away, for he just grumbled in annoyance.

“Dwalin, what was that?” He asked, causing him to heave a great sigh.

“Thorin praising Mahal for who knows what.” Dwalin griped, trying to make himself comfortable again. “I don’t know what happened to cause that kind of reaction, though. Don’t want to know.”

“Ah…” Bilbo murmured, smile returning, quite pleased that things apparently worked out.

Unfortunately, Dwalin saw this smile, and he knew his hobbit husband well enough that it just spoke of trouble. “Bilbo,” He stated cautiously. “Do you know why?”

The smile instantly vanished. “Who, me? Oh, of course not!” Bilbo replied, falling far too quickly back into the bed. “Why would I know that?”

Dwalin scowled. “You know.” He stated, watching him stiffen in bed, and Bilbo knew he was in trouble. For he’d have to explain everything if Dwalin pressed enough.

“No…” He tried again, but Dwalin was having none of it.

“ _Bilbo_ …”

“Alright, alright!” Said hobbit hissed, straightening up. “Fine. I’ll tell you. Okay?”

Dwalin heaved another sigh, massaging this temples. “This is going to irritate me, isn’t it?” He groused. “I’d rather not get irritated at this hour.”

“So… You don’t want me to say it?”

“No, but you’re going to tell me anyway.” Dwalin cut in, knowing Bilbo’s tricks far too well. “Now, tell me. And be quick about it. Perhaps that’ll lessen the sting.”


End file.
